Ranch Housekeeping Tip #79
How To Dry Clothes Faster And Save On Energy Bills
Resolving A Common House Husbandry Dilemma
Has this ever happened to you? There you are, firmly ensconced in your favorite chair. It is the middle of a day you’ve definitively set aside for relaxing and productive activities - like periodically checking the refrigerator for leftovers you can eat directly from the container with a spoon. When suddenly, the household’s peace and tranquility is shattered by a critical low inventory alarm from the master bedroom closet. Curse you, Internet of things. Checking the details on your smartwatch, you realize that the emergency concerns that category of wardrobe items which, according to custom, must be replaced daily. So no, the job cannot be rescheduled for tomorrow.
Then the situation goes from bad to worse. You somehow manage to lose a single-elimination, one-round, sudden-death tournament of rock-paper-scissors, which you suspect was rigged, or at least badly officiated. Resigned to your fate, you gather the accumulated load of unmentionables and stuff it into the washing machine.
Soap seems like a good next step. So you open the tray and pour some into the soap dispenser. At least you hope the one in front is the soap dispenser. There is another one that might be for fabric softener, a substance you have heard about in thousands of TV commercials, but never personally encountered in your life. The third dispenser is colored blue, so that one might be for diesel exhaust fluid, although that seems somehow improbable on a machine with no obvious reservoir for diesel fuel.
Then you press power. And the dial lights up with seventeen potential load options. Cotton is one, which seems like a good idea, since many of these items do have the feel of cotton. But permanent press is another possibility, as some of the material is suspiciously wrinkle-free, although you can’t quite work out why anyone would bother to iron clothes that almost no-one sees. Delicate is another option, considering some of your old favorites have achieved a level of translucency that might be charitably described as delicate. Oddly, there is no dedicated setting for unmentionables, which should be right there at the end, if the list were alphabetized. Flummoxed, you close your eyes, give the dial a spin, and press start.
Some time later, the washer wakes you rudely from a previously scheduled nap. You gather the wet laundry, which now has the easily manageable consistency of overcooked pasta, and transfer it to the dryer. (Yes, I know, we used to have a solar-powered-clothes-drying setup, rigged up between the house and a corner of the barn. With no moving parts, it was pretty reliable, except when our strong and gusty winds would transfer the clothes to the barbwire fence on the edge of the pasture. So now we have one of those newfangled machines that dries clothes inside the house!) Turns out the dryer has a different array of confusing choices. Bulky/large, heavy duty? Those might come in handy if we ever need to dry a boat cover. Oh well. Give it a spin. More chances to win. Press start.
After another long interval, the dryer declares that it’s work is done. And sure enough, when you open the door, some of the small clothes are nice and dry and toasty. But those long cotton socks feel more like the back of a horse underneath the saddle. Not dripping wet. But not exactly dry. Here begins the house husbandry dilemma.
You could take everything else out of the dryer and press start again. But if you fall asleep, the small repeat load might catch fire before you get back to it. Or you could just fold the socks up as is and stick them on the shelf. Who would know? Unless they turn rancid over the next couple days. Although, considering you haven’t bought new sneakers since before the pandemic, the fragrance let off by a rancid crew sock might not alter the bouquet of your feet to a noticeable degree.
You could fall back on the tried and true and hang the socks up inside the house somewhere. Not on a chair. The finish might not take kindly to getting wet. Got to choose somewhere discreet. Nothing upsets the feng shui of a well-organized house like laundry hanging about in unorthodox locations. And you need them to dry quickly, to minimize the chances of discovery. So here’s the tip.
Hang the damp socks over the rim of an empty laundry basket. Then place an energy-saving cat in the bottom of the basket. Body heat from the cat will dry the socks quickly, without running up your electric bill. And in the event of discovery, say during an unexpected visit by a nosy neighbor, the cat will provide a distraction and pre-empt any snarky comments about your uncivilized laundry processing methods.
How To Select An Effective Energy Saving Cat
You may know that most domestic felines are natural energy-savers. After all, it’s not for nothing that episodic somnolence is colloquially referred to as cat napping. However, to get the best value in a five-star-rated energy-saving cat, you need to evaluate the candidate in adolescence. We knew right away that Nico was an energy saver when we first met him at the shelter. All the other kittens were running around the place saying “pick me, pick me.” Nico was sound asleep, atop a recycled baby changing table, tucked under the stairs.
